for the past many hours, i have no idea what im doing

i want to numb myself up.
i really hate and i really hate
i dun belong to this world at all perhaps
my mind is really confused.
im just a complete failure.
i shdnt say that, but after living in this world for like 15 years, i am still uncertain with the sense of belonging to this world
maybe i always tink too much, so my mind just run wild.

i tried to lead a happy life,
tried hard not to tink too much,
but i ended up realising im not facing the reality.
im just running away from everything

i never thought of bringing myself to this horrible state.
it is the worst feeling that i have ever got.
one moment i feel so down, den the next moment i go wild again.
without knowing the reason, i will just feel like crying..

how i wish to be less emotional..
and i really hate to be alone